


Lisa's Lifestyle Documentation Notebook (street name: diary)

by meowloudly15



Category: The Loud House (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen, Humour, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, Primarily intended to be funny, Request submission, Requests incorporated, Sort of a "Just So Stories" format?, cartoon violence, diary format
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2019-10-23 19:42:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17689649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meowloudly15/pseuds/meowloudly15
Summary: A collection of one-shots of Lisa's life from her point of view. I am not taking any more requests. On indefinite hiatus, although I do have plans for it. Rated K plus for cartoon violence.





	1. July 26, 2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi! It's meowloudly15 again! How's it been?
> 
> The following story is one of a series of one-shots regarding events which occurred in the Loud House from Lisa's point of view. Requests can be made. (No more than K+, please.)
> 
> I would like to apologise preemptively for possibly ripping off Sesquipedalian Numeral's stories.
> 
> These stories are intended to fit with the general, canon continuity, not the continuity which my other stories have followed.
> 
> This chapter was based off a request made by Barbacar. Thanks to him for the idea!
> 
> DISCLAIMER: The Loud House and all related characters do not belong to me.

Thursday, July 6, 2017

My name is Lisa Marie Loud, and I am the owner of and sole contributor to the following document. My acquaintance, Darcy Homandollar, requested that I create a lifestyle documenting notebook (street name: diary) to catalogue daily occurrences in my existence. Feeling as though her concept was devoid of purpose albeit intriguing, I decided to do as she requested, explaining the existence of this text. Additionally, I have been grounded since last Tuesday evening, with the added detriment of the removal of my scientific equipment, explaining my lack of alternate entertainment avenues.

Today, I shall contribute an account of the events which transpired last Tuesday, which was the date of the American holiday known as Independence Day.

The most interesting occurrence last Tuesday was Luan's disastrous attempt at creating a splendorous pyrotechnics display for the enjoyment of our family unit. She purchased fireworks for cheap off of the Internet, but when she tested one, she discovered that it did not properly combust and propel itself skyward; in other words, it was a dud. She requested that I perform an analysis upon all of her purchased skyrockets, and I discovered that they would all malfunction. It was fortunate that we determined this fact before Luan set up her display; otherwise, the pyrotechnics show would have been unsuccessful.

Luan inquired as to whether I could produce any fireworks for her display. Unfortunately, I did not have the means or materials to create skyrockets, and I explained so to her. She requested that I ponder possible solutions to her conundrum (I approximate her actual demand as "Lisa, I NEED THIS TO WORK! YOU GOTTA FIGURE SOMETHING OUT! Pwetty pweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?"), which I did for roughly half an hour.

After performing some brief research and analysing my inventory of inventions, I retrieved my refurbished Civil War-era cannon and my flame-retardant suit from storage and contacted Luan to tell her of my plan. After she arrived, I informed her that I would need multiple sparklers (which she had already purchased), two lighters, and either Lynn or Lincoln to assist me in producing the display. She departed to acquire the assistance of Lincoln, who entered my room shortly thereafter appearing highly uneasy.

I requested that Lincoln don the flame-retardant suit to see if it was of a proper size. It covered him sufficiently (although he complained of mild pain in the coccyx), and I informed him and Luan that the suit had been lab-tested and could withstand temperatures of up to 1000 degrees Celsius, although it had not yet been field tested. I also informed them that the cannon had been modified so that it would only launch projectiles (namely, Lincoln) with a velocity of 10 meters per second, to minimize the chance of injury should the projectile miss the landing zone. Alas, I neglected to determine whether or not the velocity setting was securely locked into the cannon.

At approximately 8:14 pm ET that evening, Luan and I completed our preparations for the "fireworks display" (more accurately, the Lincoln-being-propelled-from-a-cannon-while-equipped-with-sparklers display). We relocated the trampoline to an open location and angled the cannon such that Lincoln's parabolic trajectory would terminate on the trampoline so as to reduce injury. I explained so to Lincoln in an attempt to relieve his frequently-expressed concerns about his well-being.

At 8:30 pm ET, Luan initialised her display. She proclaimed, "Good evening, folks! Hope you've been having a BLAST! I plan to make your day even more of one with this fireworks display!"

Lincoln entered the cannon, lighting the sparklers grasped by his extremities. Luan announced, "Many thanks to Lisa and Lincoln for making this all possible!"

Lynn Jr. randomly stood up and hollered, "Hey Luan! Think fast!" She then hurled an American football in the direction of Luan. Luan ducked, and the American football struck the lever controlling the power with which the cannon fired projectiles, boosting it up to maximum velocity. I did not perceive this occurrence.

Luan lit the fuse to the cannon with a lighter, then retreated to a safe distance. The cannon fired with an unusually high decibel level, such so that Luan was nearly deafened, and Lincoln was propelled into the air with exceptionally high velocity, hollering with a decibel level nearly as great as that of the cannon.

Luan yelled in befuddlement, "What went wrong?"

I raced over to inspect the cannon. I registered that the cannon's velocity manipulating lever had been forcibly relocated into its highest setting, and I explained so to my family unit. I also calculated that, based on his initial velocity, mass, and trajectory, he would land in Fayetteville, Arkansas, and I dispatched one of my drones to retrieve him.

My drone has not yet retrieved Lincoln; I presume that he is either in orbit (I knew I should have installed a rebreather into the flame-retardant suit) or combusted upon reentry (I hope that the suit would have prevented such an occurrence). Although much less likely but based upon previous events moderately probable, Lincoln may also have an immunity to damage which stems from him being a cartoon character, so that factor may also protect him.

The below signature attests to the accuracy of the information included herein:

_Lisa Marie Loud_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loud
> 
>  
> 
> MAN was it fun to write like that.
> 
> Don't worry; Lisa's third theory proves correct, and Lincoln returns home safely (although I can't say the same for the flame-retardant suit).
> 
> Send me your (K+ APPROPRIATE) ideas! Eventually I'll write another chapter! See you at some point!


	2. July 25, 2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey folks, guess who's back, back again? (I had to do it.) Long time no see. How are the kids? :)
> 
> It has been way too long since I last posted an entry for this story. I've been working on another Loud House story (insert shameless plug for Maggie and the Not-So-Ferocious Luna here), among other things.
> 
> I watched the episode "Overnight Success" recently, and when I saw the spotlights in Luna and Luan's room, I wondered how they were installed. Then I remembered that they have a genius sister who probably knows basic electrical engineering...
> 
> I have plans to write two more requested chapters and a chapter of my own invention, but I don't have any other ideas besides those. Keep the requests coming, people!
> 
> Enjoy!

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

As I mentioned in my previous notebook entry, my name is Lisa Marie Loud, the owner of and sole contributor to this document. In the below entry, I shall provide an account of my endeavours to install electrical circuitry in the room of two of my elder siblings, Luna and Luan, in order to provide them with multicoloured, beam-focused illumination sources (street name: spotlights).

Eight days ago, at approximately 6:12 p.m. GMT, Luna barged into my sleeping accommodations, rousing me from my daily siesta. She loudly requested that I install illumination sources in her sleeping quarters such as to bolster the illusion of her and her sister performing in an authentic concert venue. While the endeavour would not be too much trouble for me to execute (just the month heretofore, I had installed a keypad-controlled electronic security system in Lori and Leni's abode), I was highly exasperated at being awoken in such an untimely and obnoxious fashion, so I responded unfavourably. I approximate Luna's response to my adamant demands that she vacate the premises as follows: "Sheesh, little dude! Take a chill pill! When you've gotten up on the right side of the bed, lemme know if you're gonna help!" She met my remarks that there is no true correct side of the bed on which to get up since my bed is located against the wall of my room unfavourably.

After completing my siesta, I approached Luna and Luan, apologised for my antisocial behaviour, and expressed my willingness to assist them in their DIY (an acronym meaning do-it-yourself) project. They informed me that they had already purchased spotlights via an online retailer, which would arrive in approximately two to three days. I ran to my own lodging to retrieve my electrical tool kit, a ball-peen hammer, and a chisel.

In the middle of my attempts to chisel out a portion of the ceiling in order to run electrical wires in a location where they could not be visually registered, my maternal unit entered the premises to inquire as to my actions. I responded that I was merely jerry-rigging electrical circuitry in order to provide two of my elder siblings with multicoloured, beam-focused illumination sources (I have already defined the scientific terminology for your reading purposes, Lola!), and my maternal unit, who happens to be surprisingly understanding in mildly dangerous scenarios such as that one, replied positively, encouraging me to "Take care, honey!"

Luna wandered into her portion of our dwelling approximately 17 minutes and 25 seconds later, wielding her electronically amplified musical string instrument (street name: electric guitar). She requested to connect it to her electronic amplifier and play instrumental music for my auditory pleasure. I disagreed with her request on two accounts: firstly, I much prefer west coast rap to classic rock; and secondly, I was fearful that inserting a device which drew a high level of voltage into an alternating current circuit which was (if you would kindly excuse the unintentional pun) currently being modified to generate enough current to support the high wattage of the illumination sources may have a negative impact on the high-resistance wire used by the so-called "electric guitar". Unfortunately, Luna ignored my pleas to perform elsewhere, plugged in her instrument, and initiated an electrical fire. Lana was serendipitously attempting to utilise the garden hose to create a brobidingnagian patch of soil suspended in water (street name: a giant mud puddle). I called to her to redirect her dihydrogen monoxide stream inside our dwelling at the inferno, and she did so, containing the fire for the time being. I immediately sprinted to the location in which we keep our fire extinguisher, retrieved it, and used it to extinguish the electrical fire.

Neither of my parental units were ever informed of the scenario, since I had disabled the smoke alarms in the abode such that my chronic experimentation would never mistakenly trigger them. Additionally, due to the principle of status quo, I understand that no matter the extent of the catastrophe which may befall our residence, it will be in some peculiar manner restored by the event of the following episode.

I completed the installation of circuitry within the hour after exiling Luna from the quarters and disposing of the now annihilated electrical amplifier. Luan performed tests on the equipment, which would now, upon activation of a handheld remote control, alter its position and illuminate in a variety of colours, and found it satisfactory. While she approved of the equipment, Luna continually and outspokenly demanded entry. I refused to grant her any. She failed to demand any further entry, but within a handful of minutes, she returned with both of our parental units. I chose to grant her access.

The below signature attests to the accuracy of the information included herein:

_Lisa Marie Loud_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO... MUCH... TECHNOBABBLE... I... CAN'T... EVEN...
> 
> A word of warning: DO NOT EXTINGUISH ELECTRICAL FIRES WITH WATER! Use the recommended chemicals!
> 
> See you soon!


	3. August 17, 2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is very much long overdue. I have had this chapter on the backburner for several months now but never actually got around to writing it. I'm really sorry for the delay.
> 
> The idea was submitted by an anonymous guest. Thanks for your submission, guest!
> 
> I wrote this straight through. I didn't go back to fix grammar or anything (except for the notes, because Lisa was not quite so hurried). I wanted it written hurriedly, like Lisa would have written it.
> 
> Fun Fact: In my documents, this story is called "She's a Wolf in Lynn's Clothing".
> 
> Enjoy!

Thursday, August 17, 2017

I regret to inform you, dear lifestyle-documenting notebook, that I have made a grave miscalculation.

My intent was simply to, unbeknownst to Lynn, combine her DNA wit hthat of Charles to see if I could improve her eyesight. She (she is my elder sister, for those of you wh oar eunaware - LOLA) had complained that he reeysight was inadequate, so she claimed to need to eat more carrots to improve her eyesight. While there is a kernel of truth to that old wives' tale, the time required to drastically improve her eyesight would be far too great to assist her immediately. I recalled that cats do have superior eyesight compared to humans', so I went to fetch a DNA sample from our resident pet cat, Cliff. Alas, I selected off of our couch a strand of dog fur instead of cat fur. I did not realise my error until I examined the DNA, but I assumed that perhaps I could improve her sense of smell instead and make Lynn into a sort of "Daredevil"-type character (as Lincoln, my sole brother, would say).

I apologise for any spelling or grammatical errors, for I am writing this with great urgency while sheltered in Lily's crib.

I successfully injected Lynn wit hthe DNA sample at 16:22 this afternoon. (You do NOT want to know how I did suc ha thing, but I will inform you in the restricted time that I have that it was ad ministered rectally.) Two hours later, come dinnertime, I observed her behavior and made notes o n any noticed changes.

Here, I have attached a list of the changes that have occurred:

[begin pasted-in written-over page of a colouring book]

-Infinitesimal amounts of hair and nail extrusion

-Height appears to have increased by 5 millimeters; growth spurt may be upon subject

-Scratching herself with slightly above-average frequency (68% confidence interval)

-Eating primarily with mouth

-Possible confounding factor to the above: dinner tonight consists of food that is primarily consumed with the mouth

-Dinner tonight is of roughly average quality (68% confidence interval)

[ketchup stain]

-Avoiding vegetables with slightly higher frequency than normal (68% confidence interval)

-Panting occasionally, tongue out

-Confounding variable: air conditioner is on the fritz (I will inspect it later tonight0

-Confounding variable: ice cream is dessert; primarily consumed with tongue out

-Growling roughly 1x per 5 minutes; frequency has increased from 1x per 20 minutes 20 minutes ago

-Sniffing approximately 5x per 10 seconds in 2 minute intervals

-Confounding variable: it may be flu season; Lana is sick

-Confounding variable: Lana gets sick with great frequency

[end of page; another page is attached below]

-Pacing around on all fours

-Growling with mildly increased frequency (now up to 1x per 270 seconds)

-Canines appear to be elongated

-Was unable to attain proper measurements on last note

-Growling frequency is now up to 1x per 2 minutes

-Growling appears to be directed primarily towards myself

-Pupils appear larger

-Was unable to attain proper measurements on last bullet

-Growling frequency is now up to 1x per 30 seconds

-Lunging across table to attack Luna

-Savagely biting Luna on nose

-Reacted poorly to being whacked with a newspaper

[large bite mark; all writing is illegible]

-Has bitten paper; lost some notes

-I asked Lynn directly if she felt that her sense of smell had improved

-Response: barking

-Must invent dog bark translator

-Confounding variable: Gary Larson has already disproven theory of intelligent barking communication system

-Is now attacking male parental unit; loud girlish screams can be heard which appear to be emanating from male parental unit

-Subject may be considerably dangerous; more investigation is likely necessary

[paper ends]

After escaping from the dining room, I retreatd to the safety of my lab,e wher e I have begun to concoct a solution to Lynn's genetic issue. unfortunately, Lynn burst intot the room at a rather inopportune moment resutign in me retreating t othe crib wherein I reside while waiting patiently for Lynn to cease and desist her destruction of my machinery.

Lynn now appears to have stopped destroy in the genetic paraphernalia and is now reditrectin g her attentio ntowards myself. While I have great hopes in the cartoonish and self-resetting nature of our universe to protect me in the long term, (I ought to make an entry regarding my observations therein) I fear mostly for my immediate saf


End file.
